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Category: Tips

How to Manage the Pull of Your Smartphone

Do you ever feel like your smartphone is calling to you even when it’s just sitting in your pocket not doing anything? When your phone beeps, vibrates, or buzzes at you, do you ask yourself, “Why is my phone doing this to me?!?”

When I speak to people about using mindfulness to help develop healthier relationships with technology, these are the kinds of things that I often hear from them. I feel these things myself — the feeling that the phone is like a living thing that’s doing something to us. It’s calling to us or trying to attract our attention.

From my experience of working for many years in technology and mindfulness, it seems that this feeling about our smartphones and other devices is very common. It feels as though these devices are acting on us. I’m calling this a feeling rather than a fact. It is something that we feel, and as real as it may feel to us, it is a feeling. And it’s a perfect type of feeling to apply some mindfulness to.

What I’ve found from my own personal experience and working with other people is that not applying mindfulness to that feeling can contribute to many of the problems and pains we experience in relation to our technology.

Think about the situation. Your phone is sitting in your pocket or somewhere else, but not in your hands.  You feel an urge, which is often called a craving in Buddhism, to pull out your phone and check Facebook or your email. At that moment, it may feel like the phone is pulling you, but if you were to pause, engage in some mindful reflection, and ask yourself, “What is actually happening now?,” what would your answer be?

This is part of what mindfulness is. It is an intention to see the present moment for what it is without a filter.

Step back at that moment and ask yourself, “Is this phone doing anything right now?” If you see the phone for what it is, you will see that the phone is not physically doing anything. It’s just sitting there. If you feel as though the phone is pulling you, I would strongly suggest that the pull is coming from somewhere within you rather than from the phone. Practicing mindfulness can help you to stop perceiving your feeling that the phone is pulling you as if it reflected reality.

What is true is that you feel like the phone is pulling at you. This is an exercise in separating the reality of the feeling from whether the meaning of the feeling accurately reflects reality. By detaching yourself from the feeling, you can separate the reality of the feeling from the reality of the meaning of the feeling.

I know how alluring or tempting that feeling can be in the moment. It can feel completely real. And it’s so natural and mindless that you can easily react to it.

If we apply some mindfulness when it arises, however, we may be able to short-circuit that automatic habit which leads us to pick up the phone and start using it as a reaction to the feeling that the phone is pulling us.

That craving is coming from within us. If we apply mindfulness, we can actually create an opportunity to make a mindful choice as to whether or not to use the phone. Practice mindfulness so that when you do reach for the phone, it’s the result of a mindful, conscious and intentional choice — not a reaction to the feeling that the phone is pulling you to it.

None of us is perfect at applying this.

With that said, I can pause some of the time and make a conscious choice, and whenever I do that, it has great side effects. It decreases my general feeling of anxiety. It’s a good feeling to know that I have a choice — just that feeling of freedom to choose is much better than the anxious, tight feeling that the phone is pulling me and that I have no freedom not to react to the pull.

When it surfaces, investigate the feeling that the phone is making you do something or acting on you. Use that to cultivate some mindfulness in that moment. Spend some time separately when you’re not experiencing that feeling in your practice. Then see if you can draw on your practice in your daily interactions with your phone.

Tips for Mindful Task Management: Part 2

Here are some more ways to apply mindfulness to tackling the tasks on your to-do list.

1. Time Your Tasks and Prioritize Them

Sometimes it feels overwhelming to get the to-dos onto the calendar — particularly at the beginning of the week.

I start out by just dumping all of my to-dos on a Monday and creating an appointment, description, and duration for each item. I throw them all onto Monday in any order simply to get them out with a description and period of time I want to allocate to them. Then I start dragging them around to different days and different times of day to see what feels right by looking at them visually. If you’re a visual thinker who feels hesitant and overwhelmed by the scheduling of to-dos, this tip could prove beneficial. I find that seeing them out there not only helps me schedule them but reduces the anxiety I have about the idea of organizing them, which then makes it easy to revise the schedule if I slip up on anything.

2. Incorporate Mindfulness into Processing Your To-Do List

What does this have to do with mindfulness? There is great value in stepping back from everyday chaos and thinking mindfully about when to-dos should be completed so that you can focus on what’s important rather than simply what’s urgent. To me, that’s all an exercise in mindfulness.

If our norm is to mindlessly race from one thing to the next throughout the day and then again every time we have a spare minute to scan our to-do list for an item to check off, that’s a somewhat mindless approach — regardless of how important or relevant the to-do is.

This process of stepping back periodically and really thinking carefully about what needs to be done and why represents an exercise in mindfulness. Reducing the stress and anxiety level can help facilitate a more mindful state. If I know that my important to-dos are sitting on my calendar somewhere, I feel much less anxious than when I’m thinking, “Oh no, there are things I know that I need to get done, but I don’t even know if I have them written down or indicated somewhere.” If I know I’ve scheduled them, then I’m less likely to believe that something critical is going to slip through the cracks. That decrease in anxiety can help me be more mindful overall.

Tips for Mindful Task Management: Part 1

Today I’ll provide some pointers for how to apply mindfulness
to getting things done on your to-do list.


  1. Put Your To-Dos or Tasks on Your Calendar

All of us have to-do lists that come in many different forms (on an app, Outlook, or your computer). You might keep a list of your tasks on a device or pad of paper. If you’re like me, you probably have different lists in different places and spend much of your time just managing your to-dos.

One thing I know is that nothing’s wrong with having to-do lists. They can be really helpful to keep track of what needs to be done. However, what’s been found by studying how people use them is that when the items are not put on a calendar, when they’re not prioritized, when they’re not given a due date, people often end up not getting them done when they need to be done. People experience a fair deal of anxiety and stress around managing their to-do list and actually spend way more time than necessary doing so. Sometimes it can seem like one of our major to-dos is managing our to-dos — and that’s just kind of crazy.

The tip here is to actually put your to-dos on your calendar and not just on a free-floating list. The idea may seem bizarre to you, and it may feel like the tip I previously provided to schedule time to check your email. As with that one, I’m not going to suggest that you have to be overly strict about this and always put all your to-dos on a calendar. I’m not going to suggest that you should always expect to stick to the calendar either.

If you do this, though, you may spend less time and experience less stress managing your to-dos, and you may actually get more of your to-dos done in the correct order.

Here’s one way I do it. At the beginning of the week, I normally perform a big review of my to-do lists. I’ll do the same at the end of each day for any to-dos that I didn’t complete that day. Each time I perform a review, I organize my to-dos on the calendar. If I can’t get to it at the end of the day, I do my best to start the next day by reviewing where I stand with my to-dos. Which one scheduled for the day before didn’t get done? What’s really important now in terms of my priorities and reorganizing the to-dos on my calendar?

That’s my method: a big review weekly and a smaller one daily.

Like I said, you can find your own system for getting your to-dos onto your calendar. Here are some of the benefits I found from doing this. The first thing is that if I don’t have my to-dos on a calendar, I end up periodically looking down at my to-do list and spending time as well as mental energy processing it. Think about doing that for one minute each 30 times a day. That’s 30 minutes spent not actually doing something on your list but just going over the same information to decide what to do next. That’s a big waste of time and also a drain of energy because looking at that list is unnecessarily stressful.

By putting tasks on the calendar instead, I’m limiting the time and energy I spend making decisions about what do next. When I look at the calendar or it reminds me of an appointment, I can then immediately jump into action at those times. The decision about what to do has already been made by me the day before. And I thank myself. If it’s Tuesday, I say, “Monday Robert, thank you for taking on the burden of this decision for me because now I can just do these three things that I put on the calendar from 10:00 to 10:15.” I’m able to get started on my tasks much more quickly when I can simply jump into action. I’m much less likely to procrastinate or spin my wheels because the decision has already been made.

For me, that feels very different. It’s another way of dividing my energy. I’m making decisions on my tasks once a day, and I’m just engaging in action the rest of the time.

2. Set Aside Some Time

Another tip I found is that by setting aside some time to decide what I’m going to focus on doing during the day, I can really step back, think about what my overall priorities are for the day, and then give some real thought to which of these tasks fit into my plan for the day. It lets you engage in some higher-level, integrated, holistic type of planning for the day so you’re more likely to pick tasks that fit into the day based on where you’re going to be or what your other activities are. The tasks are also more likely to be accomplished based on what else you’re doing or how much time you have.

It just helps you choose what to do more systematically because you’re taking a step back in a calmer period of time to decide what you’re going to do instead of leaving it for a busier stretch. If instead I decide what to do while moving quickly from one task to another during a busy day, I’m more likely to pick something that’s easy, fun, doesn’t feel too challenging, or is just at the top of the list. Those are not the best considerations to take into account when deciding what to do.

By choosing ahead of time, you can basically be more mindful about what to do and pick what is most important and relevant at a certain time.

Stephen Covey famously talked about this distinction between the important and the urgent and how all of us often instinctively decide to do things that feel urgent in the moment instead of necessary things that are important. As a result, those important things that aren’t urgent often repeatedly fall by the wayside. And then we find that we attend to those important things in a crisis once they become urgent because we haven’t addressed them for a month.

Stepping back and carrying out some planning when you’re not in the mix of daily chaos can help you make decisions: “Oh, there’s this thing that’s important. It may not be urgent, but I know it needs to get done.” Now you’ve immediately set a deadline for it. It needs to get done. “I’m going to put it on my calendar tomorrow.”

3. Allocate Time That’s Needed for Each Task

Another advantage of looking at the scope of your day is the ability to properly allocate the time that’s needed for each task.

When you happen to have free time, you might look at your list and think, “Oh, here’s something that I can do.” You might pick something that needs an hour to do, but you only have 15 minutes. You then spend 15 minutes on a task that requires an hour. You get it partially done, but then you feel frustrated because you didn’t do it at a high quality and will need to pick it up later. That’s not satisfying or efficient, and it creates anxiety.

If you pick an item that really needs an hour when you only have 15 minutes to spare, you may end up spending an hour on it and getting it done, which is great. But now you’ve spent 45 minutes that you didn’t have in your schedule when you should have been doing something else. Therefore, you end up overloading yourself for the day. You may end up working later or having to cancel something else. Planning ahead can be extremely valuable: “You know, I think this task is going to take me 45 minutes. Let me put an hour in my schedule for it.” Or you can say, “You know what, I don’t have an hour in my schedule for this thing. Let me see if I can put it in my schedule for the next day.”

These are examples of ways in which putting your to-dos on your calendar and devoting that separate time to scheduling them can have you engage in that process more mindfully, productively, efficiently, and effectively.

4. The To-Dos That Need to Be Done at a Certain Time

This next bit might seem obvious, but there are certain types of to-dos that either need to be done at a certain time or benefit from it. Sometimes, I need to call someone and know that person is only available during office hours. That task is just sitting on my to-do list and I haven’t scheduled it. The random time when I look at my list and realize I need to call this person may not line up with the appropriate time to perform that task. So I end up saying, “I can’t do it now,” and then the task slips by until a later time. At that point, it’s just left up to chance, which is not a good way of doing things. If it’s 7 p.m. now and this person is gone for the day, I may end up calling them, leaving a message, and we’ll then play phone tag for a while.

If I had spent time the day before considering their availability, I could have put down an appropriate time for that to-do on my calendar and would be more likely to reach that person. It’d be more satisfying and efficient.

You might have many different reasons why certain to-dos need to be done at a certain time. It may boil down to a limited schedule or certain things taking up your physical and mental energy. When you have a physical task, maybe it needs daylight. Maybe some to-dos benefit from being lumped together in a group. If you’ve got a bunch of phone calls to make or emails to send to different people, you can really crank those out if you do them all in a batch of 15 or 30 minutes instead of doing one at at time.

This is just a sampling of the many benefits of scheduling your to-dos. Again, I’m not expecting or suggesting that you should be able to stick to it religiously, but I would suggest that you try it and see if there’s even a 10-20 percent improvement in how you get your to-dos done and how that feels. Ask yourself if that’s worth it, even if it’s not foolproof.

Finally, what should you do about those tasks that don’t get done on a certain day? It’s quite easy. At the end of the day or the next morning, I look at my to-dos from the day before and see which ones haven’t been addressed. I either put them back on my to-do list right away or reschedule them for whenever it’s appropriate. That can be done very quickly on a calendar.

Next week, I’ll share some more tips on this topic.

How to Take Care of Yourself, Even During The Busiest Days

In our busy lives, we’re always going, we’re always doing, and we’re always How to Take Care of Yourself, Even During The Busiest Dayshelping others. So where does this leave time for taking care of ourselves? For most of us, self-care falls on the back burner. We’re burning ourselves out by always helping others, which actually isn’t helping anyone—especially yourself.

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Maintain Your Mental Abilities As You Age with Meditation

As we age our cognitive abilities tend to decline. We begin misplacing items more maintain-your-mental-abilities-as-you-age-with-meditationoften (keys and glasses, anyone?), it becomes more difficult to solve problems, or we may have trouble remembering names. It’s all just a natural part of aging, right? Maybe it doesn’t have to be!

Research shows that the adult brain changes with experience and training. The healthier and more active your lifestyle, the better your cognitive performance will be as you age. But a healthy lifestyle isn’t limited to just diet and exercise, new research is finding that meditation may also be a key factor in maintaining brain health as we age!

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Why We’re Never REALLY Bored, and the Benefits of Boredom

When you were younger—before your first smartphone—do you remember ever why-were-never-really-bored-and-the-benefits-of-boredombeing bored? If you’re like most people, you’re probably thinking, “yeah, of course!” So what did you do when you got bored? Now, this answer is going to be immensely different for every single one of us, but the bottom line is: we entertained ourselves! And most of the time, this entertainment took a little creativity.

Well, now that smartphones have become such an integral part of our lives, boredom is virtually a thing of the past!

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How Little Bit of Gratitude Can Change You

With the price of healthcare today, many individuals and professionals are how-little-bit-of-gratitude-can-change-youlooking for ways to shorten treatment lengths and lower costs. The answer to this may be a simple thing called gratitude. There have been multiple studies done on the physical, psychological, and social benefits of gratitude, all of which come to the same conclusion: gratitude can lead to a healthier and happier quality of life. So, let’s break down some of the reasons for practicing gratitude.

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6 Tasks We Should Recover From Daily – Part 2

Last week we talked about how and why we need to recover from tasks in our 6-tasks-we-should-recover-from-the-day-part-2daily life and we covered, recovering from work and technology. I challenged you to take on both of these, did you try it? How did it go? Did you notice a difference in your stress or sleep?

Today we’re moving on to the other 4 areas of our lives that we need to learn to recover from: people, fitness, food, & being awake.

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6 Tasks We Should Recover From Daily – Part 1: Work & Tech

If you’re like most people, in the past you’ve probably thought something along 6-tasks-we-should-recover-from-daily-part-1-work-techthe lines of “wow, I’ve been so busy all day, but what did I accomplish?” Right? So we all know that there’s definitely a difference between being busy and being productive. In fact, many of us are just doing too much—we aren’t focusing finishing on one individual task. Instead, we’re doing many things at once and not finishing any of them!

We need to keep up and keep going is driving people to do more, but actually live with less.

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Ask Yourself These 5 Questions When You Reach for Your Phone

You’re about to start cooking dinner when you have a question about the ask-yourself-these-5-questions-when-you-reach-for-your-phonerecipe… what can you substitute for tarragon? So you pull out your phone to type your question into Google. But what happens first? You see a new text message, notifications from 3 different apps… By the time you’ve finished checking everything out you’ve completely forgotten why you originally grabbed your phone in the first place.

Does that sound like something that’s happened to you? It’s probably happened to most of us!

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